“The Name of the Doctor” Plot Predictions.

The Doctor is surprised to learn that the Meddling Monk has gone back and changed his name to Duane Dibley.
The Doctor is surprised to learn that the Meddling Monk has gone back and changed his name to Duane Dibley.

As suspense for Doctor Who Season Seven’s big finale builds, I thought I’d share a few of my hot plot predictions for Saturday’s episode.

Lots of people will talk about how great The Doctor is.

Seriously now, we all love the Doctor, but how will we know how much we love him if the script doesn’t tell us every five minutes?

All that praise would get annoying, so before he saves the day, the Doctor will bollocks everything up a bit. 

Nobody wants the Doctor to be too perfect. It would be hilarious if he made lots of rudimentary mistakes just to keep us on our toes. Hey, it worked in Curse of the Black Spot. 

River Song will show up, flirt and totally kill something. 

Because we all know that the two things the Doctor loves are one-dimensional flirt boxes and murderers.

We will find out the Doctor’s name. 

Not THE Doctor’s name, of course, but the name of another famous TV doctor. Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman.

There will be lots of nostalgic references to the past.

Hey, it’s the fiftieth anniversary soon. Who needs a plot that stands on its own when you have all that history to draw from?

The big mystery surrounding Clara will be something that is either instigated by the Doctor, or the result of her being slightly less than human. 

Because girls are dumb and smelly and we should leave the decisions and important stuff to the boys.

The Plot will make no sense if you haven’t been watching the last three years of Doctor Who, and might not see the Fiftieth Anniversary Special. 

Because hey, like Moffat says, this isn’t a show you can watch while you’re doing the ironing. The more plot threads dangling, the more plot there must be, right? Who cares if there’s no longer any time for quiet character moments of pacing, people watch Doctor Who for SURPRISE!

The Doctor will either cry or get very angry for the billionth time in the last eight years, and then tell us unusual that is.

Sure, we see it all the time, but it could be centuries between Doctor outbursts. How will we know just how angry the Doctor is if he doesn’t give a wink to the audience to tell us how rare it is?

If anything significant occurs, by the end of the episode all the characters will have forgotten it.

Because nothing tops off a season of post-Russel T. Davies Who like a big dollop of narrative cowardice.

A Few Thoughts Before The Name of the Doctor. (Or, why I don’t like Stephen Moffat’s Doctor Who.)

Christopher Eccleston posing as the Ninth Doctor
He isn’t returning for the 50th Anniversary so I’m putting him here to remind everyone that he’s still the finest Doctor since 2005.

Doctor Who Season 7 comes to a close on Saturday with an episode titled The Name of the Doctor.

This really bugs me. Firstly, we all know it’s going to be a cop out. People seem to have forgotten the beginning of Season 6 (I don’t blame you, I’ve spent a long time trying to forget Season 6 too, but it just won’t go.) Remember Moffat telling us all that the Doctor’s death absolutely wasn’t a cop-out or a cheat? We even had old Canton at the scene to tell us that it was definitely the Doctor and he was definitely dead?

And he wasn’t.

It was a cop-out.

Which is exactly what The Name of the Doctor will be.

Secondly, it’s a totally contrived mystery. Moffat did this  with River Song too. When the character is introduced in Silence in the Library, it’s actually perfectly clear who she is. She is a significant love interest of the Doctor’s that he has yet to meet. I don’t remember anyone ever asking who she was until Moffat started the question in interviews. It’s exactly the same with the Doctor’s name. Yes, we don’t know what it is. Yes, this was supposed to be mysterious back in the sixties, but this whole “Oooh, what could the Doctor’s name be?” is totally irrelevant because, just as with River Song, we might not know the details, but we know who the character is. Or not, since Moffat thinks the sole purpose of the show is to provide surprise. Unfortunately I’m tired of plot arcs and contrived suspense over minor details that have no bearing on the plot or characters.

Thirdly, it’s yet another of Moffat’s ridiculous story twists that attempts to make the Doctor iconic and important. I wouldn’t mind, but Moffat’s arcs have completely overtaken the show now. Standalone episodes are meaningless, every scene is The Doctor’s Final Hour and every cliffhanger is supposed to further illustrate just how significant The Doctor is. Without any good, well written episodes, I feel like I’m constantly hearing just how great the Doctor is but never getting to see it for myself.  To make matters worse, Moffat thinks this whole “The Doctor’s all big headed and fallible” thing is hilarious, so the character is just rude, incompetent and unbelievably selfish now.

The longer Moffat holds the reins of this series, the more obvious it becomes that he just doesn’t understand why it is so loved. He’s taken a show that three years ago had an unbelievably wide audience and made it cheap, sleazy and niche.

(Personally, I’m betting the Doctor’s name is Thedoc Tor.)

The Octopus of Suspense: Book Cover

Octopus CoverHey all,

I’m currently in the process of bundling up my eight Fiction Friday stories into a little volume I’m calling The Octopus of Suspense. I’ve already designed the cover, and here it is.

Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments.

Quantum Leap and Agency.

Sam and Al Posing So, I’m rewatching Quantum Leap, and it’s aged pretty well, but I’ve noticed something I never really noticed before. The format makes for a great, varied series, but it depends on the people Sam leaps into being incapable of fixing their own problems. This doesn’t seem so bad at first, but a lot of the fan favourite episodes have Sam leaping into minorities or members of marginalised groups in times of crisis.

The episode everyone remembers is The Color of Truth, in which Sam becomes a Jessie Tyler, a black man in a 1950s Southern town. It’s a great episode that takes a lot of inspiration from Alfred Uhry’s Driving Miss Daisy. (A predates the film by a good few months.) Sam’s presence turns Jessie Tyler into the activist he never was before. Similarly, any episode in which Sam leaps into a woman usually features a good deal of Sam bringing Feminism into their lives for the first time.

I don’t think it’s intentional, but the result is a show in which a straight, white, male, genius travels through time, freeing marginalised people of the late 20th century from oppression they were too passive to tackle on their own. I don’t really blame the writers. It is an inevitable consequence of the  format (quite a good format, usually, I should add) that they only have two options: Have a white man take over for woman and minorities and fix their problems for them, or never feature ethnic minorities and women in the show. Its a pity this issue crops up so often in a show that was very social conscious for its time.

Christmas Past – Free This Weekend

Christmas Past Owen AdamsGood evening, friends.

My short story Christmas Past is free this weekend.

Time travel is easy, getting home is the hard part.

Annie and her friends are used to harsh conditions, but a Victorian winter still comes as a shock. They have a job to do, but it isn’t long before they stumble upon a corpse buried in the snow, and a new mystery to solve.

Amazon.com /Amazon.co.uk

Time Trial – A Science Fiction Short Story: Free Until Saturday

Morning, Folks.

I just wanted to let you know that one of my books is free until Saturday. Time Trial is a sci-fi short in the vein of Doctor Who or Quantum Leap and part of my Timewasters series. It’s available on the Kindle store so if you own a kindle or have the free kindle app on your iPhone/Android Phone/iPad etc. then you can get it for free right now. More info below.

time trial book coverTime Trial – Amazon.com /Amazon.co.uk
Time travel is easy. Choosing where to stop is a little harder.

Harbour is a pretty nice place, but Annie and her friends are breaking the law just by being there. Now they must overcome an alien legal system and a paranoid politician to prove their innocence.

Unfortunately, they are all guilty.